This is a photograph of a dance class for people with Parkinson’s Disease. It’s the Dance for PD program at the Mark Morris Dance Group in Brooklyn, NY. I photographed the class last week. Amazing experience — not only because of the inspiration that defines the experience of being with people filled with joy by the act of movement but also because of what I am learning about myself as an artist through this work.
I made about 100 photographs that afternoon. I haven’t shown them to very many people yet. I did send a few thumbnails to the director of the Dance for PD program and he loved them and wants permission to use the images to promote the class; he says he wants to show the joy. Of course I said yes immediately!
I’ve been struggling to think about how this works fits in with my other work. How it relates.
And then, this morning, I heard a very short clip from an upcoming podcast (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/multi-hyphenate-mastery/id1754851390) and I had a Eureka moment. The guest said, “It’s not about making a point; it’s about having a point of view…It doesn’t work if the artist is stuck on hammering home a point rather than just giving a point of view.”
And that struck me. I had been asking myself over and over again, How do I explain how all of this works fit together? How do I make it make sense? I was seeing my role not as artist but as explainer. Teacher, even.
But that’s not my role. My role is to express what I want to express — to share my point of view without dodging the hard parts or editing out stuff that feels scary or makes me feel vulnerable — and to put the work out there for people to make sense of for themselves. I need to trust that viewers/listeners/readers can and will find the meaning for themselves. And I need to let go of believing that there is only MY reading of the situation. No. Once I release the work, it’s out there.
This seems like a big wow to me. I’m thinking about the radical act of choosing joy. Choosing it over cynicism, over sarcasm, over anger, over anxiety. I am choosing it for myself. I’m on a mission — for myself — to identify more joy on a daily basis. Not to walk around with a fake smile, not to pretend that Stage 4 cancer is great news, not to insist that everything happens for a reason and let’s all be happy that the house burned down or the layoffs started or the test came back positive. That’s not joy; that’s awful news and to deny it is to either be an idiot or a bullshitter.
To look for actual joy is to recognize the absence of it, as well. And to double down on the efforts to seek out what is positive, what is kind, what is positive, and to do so with the full knowledge that this can sometimes (often?) feel like rowing against the tide. It is hard. It’s also worth it.
It is also liberating. Freed up from the 24/7 job of heralding doom and from posting about every indignity and social injustice, we gain time. Jesus, it’s not my job to educate the universe on my way of thinking. I’m not a substitute for news and information. I can let the meme du jour pass me by. I do not need to react and respond to every shitty thing that happens. And I absolutely do NOT get to tell people how they should think.
So that brings me back to the joy I found in that dance studio. I’ve been turning myself into a pretzel trying to craft a way to weave this work into other work that I’m doing about this journey towards joy. I’ve been trying to figure out how to make it make sense to an audience. I am focusing on the WRONG THING. The focus is finding the joy and sharing it.
All I need to do is express myself. That’s it. Find the through line for myself and express it as best I can. Then release. It’s not, not an instruction guide.
How people respond to and discuss the work is up to them.
It has taken me the better part of two and a half years of my MFA program to reach this powerful conclusion. Not complaining at all. Just thrilled to have arrived at this point. It’s my job to MAKE the work and to do so in a way that is as honest and open as I can possibly make it. I need to feel it expresses what I am looking to express. But I do not get to tell people what the work is about and how they should think about it.
I understand the assignment.